This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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