this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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