I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
