My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize