dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
