mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
