I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think people are normalizing furries
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
