Yo dont text me then not text me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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