just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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