Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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