I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
