I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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