Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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