Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
