I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
