you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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