I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
