I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
