So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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