Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
