i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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