I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
