it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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