and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
