I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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