i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
