Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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