It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
