I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
