Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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