I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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