Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
