He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found puke in my bra..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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