I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
