i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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