Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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