I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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