You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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