I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
