Jerry, you need to find god
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
