I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
