apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
