Girls should come with a carfax report
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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