Where is the hickey?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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