my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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