ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
