They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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