My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He shit in the fireplace
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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