I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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