I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
