You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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