That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
