You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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