The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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