Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
