just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
