I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
