spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
