I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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