Cold hands, warm shart.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
