I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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