i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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