dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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