At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
