the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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