Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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