Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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